I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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