i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
