and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
