I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
