you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
