he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
you never un-have a 4some
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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