We're facebook friends in real life
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
