I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
