This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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