he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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