Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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