I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
