At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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