She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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