There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
