I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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