I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
