They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
