we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
