You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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