I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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