My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
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I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
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Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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