If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
