Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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