i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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