we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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