when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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