Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
