Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
