remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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