I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
MIDGETS
????
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
