I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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