Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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