hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
