last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize