My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
