Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
