How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
