I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
