I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
