So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
