not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
there is glitter all over my balls
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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