you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
