So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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