So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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