So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
