Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
