If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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