I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
