i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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