my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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