youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
