Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
