I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
