We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize