this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
