I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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