I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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