You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
