We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
