if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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