He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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