you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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