shes about as inviting as chlamydia
operation harelip BJ is a go
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
