He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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